Finding Mudville: A final World Cup thought

  • Thursday, July 10, 2014

Here are my final thoughts on the World Cup.

I figure it’s worth another 600 or so words to talk about soccer because it will be four years before I touch on the subject again and a lot will have happened between now and then.

Obama won’t be president anymore.

Hillary, or maybe Jeb, will be thinking about their second term.

All the Avengers movies will have come and gone, and the Batman vs. Superman movie will have finally been released on July 4, 2018.

Derek Jeter will have long retired. Chipper Jones will be in the Hall of Fame and Pete Rose will still be locked out.

LeBron James will be opting out of another big contract to test the free agent market for a third time, this time spurning the LA Lakers for maybe the Knicks or the Celtics.

Maybe this time they’ll do a Bachelor summmer series NBA style where all 32 NBA teams court LeBron and those who get to stay on through next week are given a championship ring rather than a rose.

That would make for some good summer TV.

The Yankees and Red Sox will still hate each other and the Chicago Cubs will still be in last place.

And I’ll be pushing 60.

Oh, boy.

I watched several World Cup matches this time. I still don’t have a clue what’s going on but I watched. I watched the U.S. lose to Portugal in the elimination round and still advance to the final 16.

Soccer is the only sport where you lose and not go home.

I watched Switzerland play Argentina to a nil-nil draw for 116 minutes. I stepped away from the TV, and hadn’t even make it to the top of the stairs when I hear: “GOOOAAAALLLLL!”

I figured since I was already this far along, I’d go ahead and finish the pit stop and catch the highlights on Sportscenter, which I should have done in the first place and saved myself the nearly two-hour aggravation.

I heard the announcer say something like, “The queue is going to be awfully long for those waiting to second guess the USA on this game,” and thought this was the first time I’d ever heard the word ‘queue’ used to describe action in a sporting event.

I was also getting used to the whole nil-nil terminology and counting backward from 00:00 to 90:00 didn’t seem so weird, nor the fact that once I got to 90:00 the game still wasn’t over because the referee added stoppage time. Once the whistle blew on that, if there still wasn’t any score we would proceed to 30 minutes of riveting extra time. I counted watching more than five hours of World Cup only to miss about a minute and a half of real live action. Soccer is like a middle school dance... nobody scores.

So I’m almost 60 now. And I haven’t seen a soccer match in four years. I still have a couple questions, though.

For one, why do they spell Brazil with an “S,” and since when did they call Greece Helanos?

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