Wednesday, September 18, 2013
A memo to those interested: I’m over the NFL already.
Does anybody else find these games to be an afternoon long snore-a-thon? I went to a football game today and an afternoon nap broke out. I’ve had more fun watching paint dry.
Last winter it was the “amazing” fourth quarter comebacks that prompted allegations of a NFL game script; now it’s total boredom. Not because of the lack of any decent action – okay, scratch that – yes it is because of any decent action.
I watched the Manning Bowl today – New York and Denver – because the Braves game ended, and whomever handles game scheduling in the great NFL ivory tower decided I’m a Carolina Panthers fan and ran the Panthers and Buffalo game over the Atlanta Falcons.
But not seeing the Falcons play for the second week in a row wasn’t what ticked me off. I am thankful we weren’t stuck in the Jacksonville market.
What got to me was the gluttonous running of commercial after commercial.
Run a play, commercial break. There’s a coach’s challenge, commercial break. The quarter ends, another commercial break. It’s the two-minute warning, a commercial break.
Do you know why they have a two-minute warning in the NFL? So the networks can squeeze in a final 90 seconds of commercials before the game ends.
In a game sequence that required all of 10 seconds of actual game action – a punt no less, I saw almost four minutes of commercials. First there is a timeout commercial, then a punt, followed by more commercials. One play was run from scrimmage followed, which brought the end of the quarter and another two minutes of commercials.
How is it I saw more of Aaron Rodgers during the Manning Bowl than either Peyton or Eli Manning? The Discount Double-Check, that’s why.
And I bet anybody reading this could shut out “Discount Double-Check!” and everyone within the sound of his voice would know what it meant.
An average football telecast lasts more than three hours. Games start at 1 p.m. and wrap up somewhere in the ballpark of 4. Did you know over the course of that 180 minutes of football you see barely 11 minutes of actual football action? From “Hut-hut” to the referee’s whistle blowing the play dead, there is a grand total of 11 minutes of actual running and passing.
The rest is filler time with blowhard commentary, instant replays and – well, commercials.
If I had a DVR and X’d out everything except the time between the “Hut-hut” and whistle, I could be done with the Manning bowl and still have time to watch a few reruns of Big Bang Theory. Speaking of which, there is only 19 minutes of actual situation comedy in a 30-minute situation comedy. The other 11 minutes are stuffed with – you guessed it – commercials.
Hey, here’s an idea.
I can take that 11 minutes of actual football action and piggyback it onto the end of my 19 minutes of Big Bang Theory and be done with my sports day in a half an hour.
Just in time for Sportscenter.