Smith Says

  • Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Random thoughts while making my husband’s favorite snack that, happily, takes less than five minutes to prepare and does not involve sharp utensils. Or a stove. (Recipe to follow.)
Forget Easter Island: How two people can generate five loads of laundry a week is one of the mysteries of the universe. I fold clothes in my sleep.In a perfect world, Adam Corolla would be president.Alec Baldwin has a new daughter. Yay! Another chance to call his child “a selfish little pig.”If I hear or read the word “empowered” one more time in reference to women’s strength, I will scream and then vomit. (I had the same reaction to “paradigm” in 2009 and “closure” in 2006.) I am empowered by God, end of story.I don’t eat meat anymore, but frequently dream about tearing into a big, juicy ribeye. I wake up drooling.Let’s all get over Miley Cyrus and her awards show raunchfest. It was tacky and tasteless, yes, but she’s 20 years old. With apologies to any uber-mature 20-year-olds who have a mortgage and a degree from MIT, at that age you do stupid stuff. She didn’t rob or beat anybody. We should focus on more important things, like racial equality and the fact that we may go to war in Syria. Priorities, people.We have used our formal dining room exactly twice in the last 18 months. Apparently we are not formal folks.I am so over Dr. Oz, bless his heart.I don’t have a bugout bag. If I did, it would contain mascara, cashews and a DVD of “Steel Magnolias.” So no, I’m not prepared. But Widdle Baby is, which is why there are no batteries in any store within 20 miles.Why, why, WHY are people still keeping up with the Kardashians? Why?????Few things are more relaxing than a glass of wine and a good friend.Next time you hear someone describe the price of something inexpensive as “chicken feed,” you have my permission to correct him or her. Chicken feed ain’t cheap. I seem to have developed a healthy crush on Jase in “Duck Dynasty.” Odd, because I don’t like beards.A wise man once said, “If a man is not a liberal in his youth, he has no heart. If he’s not a conservative by middle age, he has no brain.”I used to think my Uncle Eustace had a funny name, back before we’d heard of Rainbow, Apple, and Blue Ivy.My brother, T-Bob, just bought his talented 10-year-old son a Fender Stratocaster. He may have another Eddie Van Halen on his hands…. Or just a bunch of really annoyed condo neighbors.OK, here’s the recipe. It’s very forgiving so if you don’t have a measuring cup or have had two glasses of wine, don’t fret. It will come out fine.
Widdle Baby’s Favorite Treats
 In a large, microwaveable bowl, melt 5 tablespoons butter, ˝ cup honey and a big hunk o’ peanut butter. Pull it out every 30 seconds and stir until everything’s liquid-ish. Add 2 cups of quick-cooking oats (I use Publix brand), 1 cup of Craisins and a handful of chopped walnuts. If you don’t like Craisins, try dates or raisins. Mix and add a little vanilla or cinnamon if you feel like it. Spray an 8 x 8 pan with Pam. Dampen your hands and press mixture into pan. Refrigerate for 30 minutes. Slice into squares and prepare to make again very soon.
 Julie R. Smith, whose thoughts skitter hither and yon, can be reached at widdleswife@aol.com.

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