Fanfare for the Common Man

  • Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The song from the movie Mary Poppins says, “A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, in a most delightful way.”
Well, Mary was right. It does.
A spoonful of sugar makes a lot of things go down delightfully and I’m finding that out more and more every day.
Seeing how I’m diabetic, I have had to cut out my sugar, and I’ve had a really hard time doing this. I’ve long maintained that if you can’t drink sweet tea there’s no point in drinking iced tea. Unsweetened iced tea tastes like sink water and those who drink it and say it tastes great, you are only fooling yourselves.
It’s awful.
I tried to choke it down. I couldn’t.
The same goes for black coffee and skim milk. I don’t care what flavor they make it taste like, if unsweetened iced tea tastes like sink water than black coffee tastes like bath water. It’s beyond awful.
Sure, I can go the artificial sweetener route, but those do more harm to your brain than the sugar does to the rest of your body. I tried the artificial sweeteners and was told they would rot my brain and my brain’s rotted enough.
As for skim milk, why even drink milk if you have to drink that stuff?  I can do one-percent milk, though I usually buy two-percent. But I draw the line at skim milk.
My son said if you gradually cut down from whole milk to skim you’ll get used to it – there’s that phrase again, get used to it. I don’t want to get used to skim milk, or black coffee, or unsweet tea.
My son said after you get used to skim milk that drinking whole milk is like drinking paint. If so, that’s the best tasting paint I’ve ever had.
I have to take this whole dieting thing – especially the sugar-free part of it – seriously. That means no more sugar in my coffee, no more sweet-tea, no more French fries, no more Thousand Island salad dressing, and tragically, no more Zax sauce.
In an effort to be dietary, last night I decided on five chicken fingers for dinner. No fries. No Texas toast. No slaw. Just the chicken fingers and a tub of Zax sauce, which I’d have to be happy with, because technically that’s on my list, too.
I dipped sparingly of the five fingers. I needed to behave. As I get older my body will be less and less forgiving than it is right now, and right now it’s not very forgiving.
When I finished my chicken fingers I noticed I still had half my Zax sauce remaining. What to do, what to do?
Well, not to go all big league on you with another cliché, but “Waste not, want not.”
I “faced” the little container of Zax sauce, which means when you face something you do your level best to try and cram your face inside the particular object in question.
I lapped up the rest of that sauce like a kitten to cream.
Another saying: “In order to succeed greatly one must be prepared to fail greatly.”
Last night I failed greatly on my diet when it came to that tub of Zax sauce.
I can feel the pounds melting away already.

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