The “L” in TLC stands for listening.
Contrary to what many people think the most important part of communicating is not the speaking but the listening. The fact is no matter how well one might speak, no matter their effort to ensure clarity and understanding, if the person or persons being spoken to refuses to listen or practice good listening skills their effort will be futile.                                                                                                                                                        
How often have you made effort after effort to communicate an idea or message to a person only to find that they are not really hearing you? It can be extremely frustrating.
There can be any number of reasons why. In speech communication when something distorts the message or prevents another person from hearing you, whether it is something in the hearer or the atmosphere we call that “noise.”                                                                                                                               
Noise sometimes comes from the sender or the communicator. It can be what you know about this person that will interfere with what the person is saying to you. For example, if this person borrowed money from you on three different occasions and didn’t return it as promised or at the time agreed on, then when they come to you the next time and ask you to lend them a sum of money and they will repay you at a certain time, your answer may be no.
The person may insist, “I will pay you back in a week.”
But you are not hearing the person because of what you know of this person. When he says I will return it at a prescribed date you are not hearing him because of what you are thinking. If your thinking was otherwise, you might respond differently.
Suppose your thinking was that he had a justifiable reason for not returning the loan on time because of circumstances beyond his control and you can remember a time in your life when that happened to you. Then your thinking might be to say to yourself, “It’s not his fault, he is really a nice guy.”
Now there is no noise in your head and you would receive his message as he intended for you to receive it and you would consider his request based on his circumstances and your availability of funds. 
This is not to say he would get the loan. This only says there is nothing in your head interfering or affecting his message to you.
 
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Communicating with TLC … part two

  • Wednesday, May 22, 2013

 
The “L” in TLC stands for listening.
Contrary to what many people think the most important part of communicating is not the speaking but the listening. The fact is no matter how well one might speak, no matter their effort to ensure clarity and understanding, if the person or persons being spoken to refuses to listen or practice good listening skills their effort will be futile.                                                                                                                                                        
How often have you made effort after effort to communicate an idea or message to a person only to find that they are not really hearing you? It can be extremely frustrating.
There can be any number of reasons why. In speech communication when something distorts the message or prevents another person from hearing you, whether it is something in the hearer or the atmosphere we call that “noise.”                                                                                                                               
Noise sometimes comes from the sender or the communicator. It can be what you know about this person that will interfere with what the person is saying to you. For example, if this person borrowed money from you on three different occasions and didn’t return it as promised or at the time agreed on, then when they come to you the next time and ask you to lend them a sum of money and they will repay you at a certain time, your answer may be no.
The person may insist, “I will pay you back in a week.”
But you are not hearing the person because of what you know of this person. When he says I will return it at a prescribed date you are not hearing him because of what you are thinking. If your thinking was otherwise, you might respond differently.
Suppose your thinking was that he had a justifiable reason for not returning the loan on time because of circumstances beyond his control and you can remember a time in your life when that happened to you. Then your thinking might be to say to yourself, “It’s not his fault, he is really a nice guy.”
Now there is no noise in your head and you would receive his message as he intended for you to receive it and you would consider his request based on his circumstances and your availability of funds. 
This is not to say he would get the loan. This only says there is nothing in your head interfering or affecting his message to you.
 

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