Tuesday, March 27, 2012
I love sky watching.
I’ve seen space stations, satellites, comets and meteor showers, and have seen all five visible planets with the naked eye … six, if you count looking down at my feet and beholding good old mother earth.
I can pick out constellations other than the Big Dipper.
But I’ve never seen a UFO. I want to, though. Badly.
So when Milton Finch told me about the strange lights he’s been seeing at night from the front yard of his St. Stephen home, I jumped at the chance.
UFO watching requires a little bit of caution, re: what happens if you’re right? What happens if you really do encounter an alien and it’s not ET wanting to phone home?
I’d be running. I wouldn’t wait around to see what’s inside. I already know what’s inside and whatever it is won’t end well for me.
This is what I don’t understand about the movie Independence Day. The movie lost all sense of realism for me when a massive ship the size of a small city hovers over downtown Manhattan, and people gather on the roof of a skyscraper to welcome the spaceship to earth.
Here’s the deal. If this bunch were friendly wouldn’t they have said so by now?
Besides, those spaceships are found under two of my favorite phobia categories – fear of large things and fear of things that might blow you up. I’d be running as soon as those things popped out of the clouds.
So as I’m sitting in Milton Finch’s front yard scanning the night skies for signs of alien spacecraft, I already have one foot pointing in the direction of my car. I make no bones about my intentions should something unidentified show up. I’m out of here and I have no qualms about leaving the rest of you behind. Even Stefan, our intrepid young investigative reporter, would be on his own.
I’ll leave you behind in a heartbeat, I said.
We saw a lot of lights that night, a couple of them out of the ordinary, but sadly no little green men. Still, what strange things I did see didn’t come from the sky.
The first day Milton brought us to his home to view a video of the UFOs he’d seen recently, the power was out. He was surprised by this as he’d seen a power company van out front earlier working on the power lines.
Eerily coincidental, and I don’t believe in coincidences. It must be “Them” and they’re putting the squelch on us. Somebody doesn’t want me to watch this video.
Second, the Finches have a dog that looks just like Frank from Men in Black, another eerie coincidence. I say that if the dog starts talking I’m out of here.
They all laugh. I wasn’t kidding.
Third, as we’re sitting there watching the northern skies, I hear a crisp, distinctive cracking and look to see a massive tree branch falling out of the top of the nearby oak tree. The limb at its base is as big around as my thigh.
It hits the ground with an ominous thump about six inches from Stefan’s head.
An Unidentified Falling Object for sure.
And last, as we’re on our way home, a massive bat smacks my windshield, its little rat face about the size of a golf ball. It glares at me threateningly.
Not good, I thought. The aliens have enlisted the aid of the Undead.
I figure if I survive this I’m going after Bigfoot next.
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